Pants

My pants are too tight...I look like the office hooch. Why did I wear these today? I knew they looked inappropriate but for some reason thought it would not be an issue today. Am I stupid? I guess so. So now, I will be happy hour fodder for the catty ladies in the office who love to talk trash about everyone. I can feel their eyes burning holes in my butt as I walk by. These pants are not only too tight, they hug my rear and thighs...so not appropriate for the office...and again, I ask myself why I did this? Did I feel the need to put on a show or stir something up?
To top it all off, my hair looks bad and my right shoe is too tight. It's shaping up to be a great bash myself day. Negative talkville, here I come! Maybe over lunch I will go buy some new pants to wear but how would I explain my changing of pants? It would obviously be some major issue like forgetting to go to the bathroom or even worse, my womanly issues. Oh lord...I am stuck as a hooch.